Recovery-Why I Call It the Shitty Coffee Club

Welcome to my blog.I’m Stephanie—survivor, fighter, and proud member of a club nobody signs up for, but far too many of us end up in: recovery.

You’ll hear me talk about The Shitty Coffee Club a lot around here. It’s not just a nickname. It’s a reflection of where so many of us begin again—rock bottom, with a cup of weak coffee in our hand and nothing left to lose.

Where It Started

About 14 years ago, I was sitting in an AA meeting, staring into a paper cup of coffee that tasted like burned grounds and regret. And it hit me: no matter how you land in recovery, you always end up with that damn cup of shitty coffee.

It’s served in courtrooms, hospitals, halfway houses, jail cells, rehab centers, and funeral homes. It's there during interventions and restless nights at Denny’s when you can’t go home. That bitter brew shows up every time life breaks wide open.

And somewhere in that chaos, I started calling recovery The Shitty Coffee Club.

It’s Bigger Than AA

When I started writing publicly about my recovery, I didn’t want to be anonymous. And I didn’t want to only talk about AA. I wanted to talk about trauma. About addiction’s many faces. About healing and rage and rebuilding. About what really keeps people sick.

So I dug deep—into addiction research, recovery models, trauma-informed care, and neuroscience. And what I found was this:

Most addiction doesn’t start with drugs. It starts with pain.

We numb with anything—power, chaos, social media, food, toxic relationships, people-pleasing.Addiction is a coping mechanism.Recovery is learning how to live without the things that used to save you.

Three Things That Break Us

After more than a decade of walking with others in recovery, I’ve seen the patterns.And I can usually tell pretty quickly who’s going to make it—and who isn’t. It almost always comes down to three things:

1. Toxic family systems – Some families actually prefer you broken. They know how to handle drunk you. Sober you makes them uncomfortable.

2. Toxic friends and social circles – The people who helped you spiral are not going to help you rise.

3. Toxic partners – If your relationship doesn’t support your healing, it will sabotage it.

If you’re trying to get well in the same environment that made you sick—you won’t.It doesn’t work like that.

What It Took for Me

I had to walk away from it all.

I left toxic people, toxic love, toxic coping, toxic beliefs. My family circle is small now. My friendships are fewer, but they’re real. I don't take advice from people still bleeding from wounds I’ve already stitched closed.

I stay grounded for the people I love—for my kids, my grandson, my community.That peace? I earned it.

Final Word

Thanks for being here. For real.Every story I share came at a cost. Some of them nearly killed me. Some still haunt me.

But I made it through. And I’m telling you—you can too.

Grab a cup. Sit down.Let’s talk about what recovery really feels like.

You’ll know you’re healing when you stop craving chaos and start protecting your peace. Even if it means sitting alone with shitty coffee.

Stephanie Ramire-Pelletier